The beginning

So here it is. I cannot keep my thoughts to myself anymore so here is my springboard for my ridiculous, fanatical and at times, hilarious life moments.

 I regret many things in my life. The one I regret the most: sharing 7 years with someone that never considered me his "good enough." As ridiculous as that sounds, it is plainly true. Pushing him out for good was the hardest, and yet amazingly, the easiest thing I have ever done. I walked out of the cloud that had become my life, scared, scarred and broken, with two wonderful blessings in tow.  So here is my journey. It might not always be religious or enlightening, or even surprising, but this is my journey.


Its been over six months. I am healing, all be it slowly. I was crushed, even though I did the kicking out in the end. But truly, my limit had been reached. I allowed that fine line between what was cheating and what was not cheating to be rearranged. I guilted myself and placed blame within me. I was the one not good enough. I was the wrong one in the relationship; I needed to change. I don't know exactly when that line ever became so vague, but in the end, the point was reached. You do not mess with family, and he did.

 I think my point of no-return, as in no point of fixing anything more, was reached well before this moment of truth. I never really wanted to work on anything afer the "almost-cheating" incident before this. I think I tried mainly because I did not want to be the one at fault for no longer trying. The one who gave up. It was not my style. I am not a quitter, though this required quitting.

In many ways, I think of my relationship with him an addiction. I had this ideal image of being a wife and mother, having this storybook life with house, dog and kids in tow. Being Suzy Homemaker, having dinner on the table when he came home from work. I believe firmly now, that should I ever have girls or even daughter in laws, I will never allow them to believe that dream is the extent of their life. I was so addicted to the idea, that I lost sight of who I had ultimately married.

Do not misunderstand me. He was, at one point, a nice person. He was a savior when I needed saving. Perhaps, that saving, made me want to look past everything else he had done.

In the end, his savior status could not undo the damage done.

So my point in telling you this? This is the story that helped shape me, good and bad. I walked out of that relationship bound and determined to make this chapter better.