Anxiety

Let me start this by saying: Anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes.

Mine stems from change. I hate change. Change in routine, change in jobs, change in living arrangements, change in relationships, etc.

I do not like social situations. I am more than friendly, do not misunderstand. But my anxiety is in high gear. I worry about offending people, I worry about not liking food, I worry about pretending to like food I do not like. I worry about my children being crazy in resturants, breaking things in peoples homes. I worry about being called a bad mom because my children have enough energy to power all of North America for a year, bottled in their tiny little bodies.  I am a worrier. Plain and simple.

My anxiety forms in many ways. I "watch" myself performing tasks mainly. I feel disconnected. I also become severly dehydrated (which is becoming a problem). I become extremely irritable, tired and on edge. I shake and get a headache that feels like a thousand suns laying on my forehead. My body aches.

I have taken meds before but have not relied on them for anxiety control for the last few years. I have self medicated with yoga, alcohol (rarely) and some mild muscle relaxers when I feel completely out of control. I have had few panic attacks in the last year, though with moving, I had to take meds just to complete my day without going postal.


So there it is. The ugly truth. My anxiety. It rears its ugly head every once in awhile, but is constantly in the back of my mind, reminding me that I am not perfect.