Advice

Great advice is sometimes unwanted. Even if you know its true, hearing it, is completely different.

Sometimes, the best advice is given by someone who has no relation to your situation. Who walks in by surprise and offers a snippit of life that they lived. Be they older or younger, the advice they offer is general in nature. They know nothing of your situations outside of the context they know you in. But the advice they give has more meaning than anything. It snaps you back into yourself like a rubber band.

Today I recieved said advice from someone who I've never met before today. I will probably never run into this person again. I have no idea of his life. I know that he offered me advice based solely on a conversation of food, ymca, politics and lifesavers in coffee.  We never delved into my life, my hardships. He knew none of it and yet was able to offer this breif, yet none the less meaningful, advice to follow. He had years of expirience on me. Years.

So I will take this to heart. Or at least try.

"If it doesnt matter in a year, dont let it bother you today"

My anxiety is related to worry. I worry. I worry about money, my job, my parenting skills, my choices, my divorce, my kids, my dogs, my haircut, my diet, my exercise, my moving, my extended family. So this applies. In a year, it wont matter whether I chose salad or a burger for lunch. It wont matter whether I chop off 6 inches of hair. It wont matter what I feel about my mom. In a year, she will still be my mother.

So I continue on.

Thrift Store.

I am an avid thrift store shopper. I love it. I can find whatever I am looking for usually for 1/4th the price of buying it new (or less). Let me make this clear: Everything that comes into my house is washed and wiped off. I do not wear it straight off the shelf. I am not exactly sure what people wash their clothes in. So, being allergic to everything under the sun it seems, I wash it all even if it looks or smells clean.

My favorite place to go is my local Goodwill Store on Tuesdays. I love that they have sales. They are color coded so every Tuesday a different colored tag is only $1.49. I generally limit myself to $30 unless something is on my list of things to be on the lookout for.

My list currently for my Goodwill shopping days:
- Coffee table, smaller, any color
- Scrabble board (if you have one that you want to pass along, with some missing tiles or no tiles, hit me up)
- shoes for everyone (yes magically kids grow out of shoes occasionally faster than I can keep up, and high heels are an addiction)
- Work pants and shirts for myself (I do not possess very many and the variations I have are limited)
- Kids clothes (yeah those buggers need clothes too!)
- Any games that will engage a 4 year old to not fight with his brother
- Bread maker (yes I am considering buying one with my taxes off of craigslist)
- picture frames, simple, any color, with removable backs for easy redecoration


So that is my list. I have some other items that I am looking to buy, like a sewing machine, but those require a specialty store.

Why buy new? There is not much need. Kids do not need brand new items. They could care less if some other kid has worn a shirt that has spiderman or batman on it. They only care that it has Spiderman or Batman on it.

Recent finds: Lane Bryant top that was originally $65 for $1.49. Yes, I am not kidding you. The thing looks brand new.

That's all for now. XOXO

Freaking Cold and Irritating Things

It is cold. Not the normal Minnesota cold. The cold where you die a little bit inside each time you have to even think about going outside.

Yeah, the cold that kills your soul.

Alright, that might be a little harsh but seriously. It is cold. Brrrr...


Irritating Things. I am generally a very easy going person. I like order and structure, and cleanliness.

So my struggle now is dealing with Big Peanut aka my oldest child. He is RIDICULOUSLY defiant. Now, before everyone jumps down my throat and says that children his age are supposed to be defiant, I agree. They are. Kids test boundaries. Once the rules are enforced, they know the limits and stay within those. But not Big Peanut. Oh no. Mom tries time out, he laughs. Mom tries to take away things, he sneaks other things of mom's into his bed (ie car keys, debit cards, etc). Mom tries to ignore it, he does more ridiculous things. Mom tries to redirect him into good behavior; sure, he will play along for about 60 seconds max then go back to doing whatever crazy thing he was doing before. Mom tries rewarding good behavior, nope he is having none of it. Mom tries paying more attention to him, nope it only gets worse.

 I am running out of options with this kid. I am constantly flirting the line of whether I should just give up or try something else new.

How else are you supposed to discipline a kid? I mean that respectively. I am also looking for advice. I am a big advocate of seeking help when you know that what you have been doing is not working.

 I know that people are against spanking but geez. I was spanked and I know plenty of people who were. We never died. We respected our parents (for the most part). Actually, I only remember being spanked one time. But that was with a belt, for lying and for calling my mom a nasty name. I never stepped out of line again. So what else works?


Other irritating things: people hearing HALF of a story or only lies then judging the hell out of you. WTH? Do you magically have some sort of mind meld machine that suddenly allows you to know everything about my life? Keep my name out of your mouth. If there is one thing I hate in life, its freaking people who badmouth others which they know NOTHING about. Unless your name is mine and you are me, keep my name and my business out of your mouth unless I ask for your opinion.

Also, cars are irritating. Getting stuck at Cub at 630 am sucks. However, deli guys rock. Thanks Deli guy!

That's all.

Vegan? Meh not for me!

So starting with my moving, I am aching to eat better, knock off the baby weight (even though he is THREE!) and get in shape.

I have considered going back to being vegetarian, as I was while I was pregnant with number 2. It was an easy shift for me. But when post baby came, I ate chicken and BAM! I was hooked on it.

I already seldom eat beef. Beyond beef jerky (seriously how can anyone resist that awesomeness?), I rarely crave a burger or anything even remotely close to steak.  I am a fan of chicken and seafood. But only if its cooked right. :/

So lately I have been looking into new diets such as the Paleo diet (which is beyond strange yet intriguing). I do not think I can cut out bread completely. I love bread. I am secretly convinced that I am French with my addiction to eating bread. I also do not think that I can grow to love every single vegatable under the sun. Have you tried eating Raw onions? Nasty does not even describe it. I can eat them, cooked, as long as they are mixed in with something else.


I am hoping I can stick to this. I have already cut out most of my pop drinking. I do still have coffee but thats only a cup or two during the week. I maybe have a can a week of pop, and those are mainly on the days where I am dragging to keep up with the kids. I have cut out the majority of my snacking habits (like Pringles and Oreos, which are my downfall).

I own a treadmill, though stopped running when I had surgery (another post, I swear). I am bound and determined to get into a two piece non-mom style swimsuit this year. I have a gorgeous tatoo I would love to show off... But yeah my thighs that jiggle say something else.


Blah. Here goes to probably being a semi vegetarian. Cheers

Stalking? Really? (and other updates)

So this has come to my attention that stalking is in fact a crime! Hold your surprise folks because "sh*t just got real."

Who in the hell thought stalking was legal? Seriously? Apparently my life is filled with stalkers. Stalkers of email, stalkers of facebook. Seriously get a life. You have nothing better to do than stalk the crap out of my posts that have NOTHING to do with you? Yes that is a question. I have better stuff to do than worry about you stalking "all up on this" all the time. Like raising kids, you know those pesky buggers require  A LOT of my energy. Unused energy? HARDLY! I do not want to worry about Facebook being hacked and you using my messages against me.

So spending an hour of my time, changing email addresses and passwords





On the up and up, I love resetting my phone. It clears out all the people I obviously did not care enough about to save their number to my SIM card or gmail account. If I didn't save your number, don't fret. It just means that I am extremely phone dumb and have zero idea how to get gmail to save it or transfer it to my sim card.


I also was approved to move into a new place. Its a step. I am not excited about the drive. It is triple what I do now. It has some pluses like an indoor pool and gym. It allows the dogs, which rocks but its on the third floor. Yay stairs. On the plus, my thighs will be rocking! LOL

so my next post will probably be about packing up my life and getting rid of crap.

Anxiety

Let me start this by saying: Anxiety comes in all shapes and sizes.

Mine stems from change. I hate change. Change in routine, change in jobs, change in living arrangements, change in relationships, etc.

I do not like social situations. I am more than friendly, do not misunderstand. But my anxiety is in high gear. I worry about offending people, I worry about not liking food, I worry about pretending to like food I do not like. I worry about my children being crazy in resturants, breaking things in peoples homes. I worry about being called a bad mom because my children have enough energy to power all of North America for a year, bottled in their tiny little bodies.  I am a worrier. Plain and simple.

My anxiety forms in many ways. I "watch" myself performing tasks mainly. I feel disconnected. I also become severly dehydrated (which is becoming a problem). I become extremely irritable, tired and on edge. I shake and get a headache that feels like a thousand suns laying on my forehead. My body aches.

I have taken meds before but have not relied on them for anxiety control for the last few years. I have self medicated with yoga, alcohol (rarely) and some mild muscle relaxers when I feel completely out of control. I have had few panic attacks in the last year, though with moving, I had to take meds just to complete my day without going postal.


So there it is. The ugly truth. My anxiety. It rears its ugly head every once in awhile, but is constantly in the back of my mind, reminding me that I am not perfect.

Onto the Next

Seven months out. Technically, seven months tomorrow.

I have moved on, slowly. I rebuilt my life, somewhat in a haze until recently. I concentrated on my kids (who are wonderful and amazing).

I worked and spent time with them. I lacked adult conversation and interaction. Alas it caught up with me. One night of drinking, and one stupid message, landed me a date with someone who blew me away.

He walked into my life like a hurricane. I say that with complete and utter certainty. He turned my expectations of dating upside down, inside out and backwards. I had no idea a person could be so opposite from what I was with before. He cared despite my moments of insanity.

I have now made the commitment to move in with him, as he has become a constant in my life along with the kids. It came out a battle. I was so unsure of moving in with him, that I wanted away from him. I was, frankly, terrified to be away from him, but at the same time, terrified to be with him and be hurt again.  I fought to get away and cried when he said fine. He demanded that I stay and talk with him. He made it clear that he was not going to run away. He wanted a family, however that form came, and wanted to be with me.

It has been a week since that fight. He had already pretty much moved in anyway at that point. He had only been away a few days in the last two months anyway. So we have been looking at places to move. He is excited to bring me on his side of the town. I am excited about this new chapter.

At moments, my anxiety overwhelms me about this giant shift. Everything I know is by my home. I live only a few minutes from the place I grew up. So here goes.


Wish me luck.

He has already made me a lover of Indian Food and a burger place in Minneapolis that rocks without question!!!

The beginning

So here it is. I cannot keep my thoughts to myself anymore so here is my springboard for my ridiculous, fanatical and at times, hilarious life moments.

 I regret many things in my life. The one I regret the most: sharing 7 years with someone that never considered me his "good enough." As ridiculous as that sounds, it is plainly true. Pushing him out for good was the hardest, and yet amazingly, the easiest thing I have ever done. I walked out of the cloud that had become my life, scared, scarred and broken, with two wonderful blessings in tow.  So here is my journey. It might not always be religious or enlightening, or even surprising, but this is my journey.


Its been over six months. I am healing, all be it slowly. I was crushed, even though I did the kicking out in the end. But truly, my limit had been reached. I allowed that fine line between what was cheating and what was not cheating to be rearranged. I guilted myself and placed blame within me. I was the one not good enough. I was the wrong one in the relationship; I needed to change. I don't know exactly when that line ever became so vague, but in the end, the point was reached. You do not mess with family, and he did.

 I think my point of no-return, as in no point of fixing anything more, was reached well before this moment of truth. I never really wanted to work on anything afer the "almost-cheating" incident before this. I think I tried mainly because I did not want to be the one at fault for no longer trying. The one who gave up. It was not my style. I am not a quitter, though this required quitting.

In many ways, I think of my relationship with him an addiction. I had this ideal image of being a wife and mother, having this storybook life with house, dog and kids in tow. Being Suzy Homemaker, having dinner on the table when he came home from work. I believe firmly now, that should I ever have girls or even daughter in laws, I will never allow them to believe that dream is the extent of their life. I was so addicted to the idea, that I lost sight of who I had ultimately married.

Do not misunderstand me. He was, at one point, a nice person. He was a savior when I needed saving. Perhaps, that saving, made me want to look past everything else he had done.

In the end, his savior status could not undo the damage done.

So my point in telling you this? This is the story that helped shape me, good and bad. I walked out of that relationship bound and determined to make this chapter better.